hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize