Sponge bath it is.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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