I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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