They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
