I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
