Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
