am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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