go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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