Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My penis needs a shock collar
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
