seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
