I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dicks are not precious.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
