She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
