The maid of honor just puked.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
