i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
