The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
