and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
