I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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