i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
