Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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