Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
