youre lurking in front of me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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