How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
