she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
