she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
