I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
