So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
