Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize