question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
