i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
