You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
