either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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