I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
