guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
