Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
