..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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