Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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