You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
