i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
