i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
