I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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