I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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