You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
