That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
