it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
