Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
As shirtless as possible
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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