this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
