In the future we'll all be gay
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
