we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Still dying that you shit outside
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
