We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize