dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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