apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
