Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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