Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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