If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
