got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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