they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize