I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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