hell yes lets make some ravioli
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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