I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
