They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
