Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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