This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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