Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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