I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
