6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
