Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
