I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
