i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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