Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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