Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I deserve this hangover.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
