That's when you crack a 10am beer
He felt like a one man threesome
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize