When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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