I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
