it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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