What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
