my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
