her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
