yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
