Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
