dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize