i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have post one night stand depression
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
