While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Everything about him screamed your future.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
