The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
