Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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