Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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