you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
