So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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