what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
