that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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