That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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