WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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