Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
