Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
