toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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