There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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