She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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