dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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