I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
