Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
