If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
