somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
