By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize