Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
