I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
